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Relationships Are Mirrors

by Diane and Lewis on October 6, 2010

Carl Jung said “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” 

How does this work practically speaking? Lewis gets irritated when we say we are leaving for a restaurant at 7pm and Diane is not ready for another 10 minutes as he stands waiting at the door ready to go. When Lewis looks at his irritation he realizes that he is guilty of making Diane wait another 10 minutes in the kitchen after she has informed him that dinner is ready. 

 Next time your friend or partner does something that irks you, be as open-minded as possible, look at yourself to see whether you do the same thing that is irking you.  That’s the mirror.

 

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Wje October 6, 2010 at 5:47 pm

This is a good insight, but not always true. Mass murders irritate me but I don’t do that!

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Lewis October 8, 2010 at 2:48 am

We will be watching you the next time we have a mass murder in Fairfield!

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Haddington October 6, 2010 at 9:47 pm

So Diane doesn’t have to look at her behavior or try to stop making Lewis wait? So she is faultless in this situation? How convenient.

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Lewis October 8, 2010 at 2:47 am

Good question. First of all, our point is for Lewis to see if he can learn something about himself by examining his reaction. In this case, he learned that he has a similar habit. Second, Lewis, after realizing he has a similar habit, will be able to discuss his desire for Diane to be on time without being angry and he may even share what he has learned about himself and state that he is willing to be on time for dinner. This process creates the possibility for a win-win for Lewis and Diane.

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Anon in LA October 9, 2010 at 4:23 am

And what if I don’t want to be looking in a mirror all the time?

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Anonymous October 12, 2010 at 6:33 pm

Diane here.. I have asked myself that question at times. If I don’t look in the mirror then I usually end up complaining, blaming and frustrated. My relationship suffers. If I do use my husband as a mirror and look at “what I’m up to” I find that the complaining and blaming stops or at least decreases. The relationship is happier. I realize in every moment I have a choice and I choose to use the mirror.
Hope we hear from you again. Warm Regards to you.

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